How the Tree of Hope and Family and Children's Services Helps

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Cher's Story | David's Story | Mallory's Story | Selena's Story | Charlotte's Story | Evan's Story | Stuart's Story | Sara's Story

No one ever chooses to be a child at risk of harm.  Some of the children entering foster care have faced unimaginable heartbreaks; their confidence and self-worth seriously eroded through a lifetime of abuse or neglect.  Children escaping these situations have rarely had a chance to just be children.  More importantly, and through no fault of their own, many are a grade or two behind their peers. 

Family & Children’s Services attempts to get the lives of these children back on track so they can prepare for their futures.  In addition to opportunities for summer camp, sports, and counselling for children struggling with the effects of sexual abuse, the Agency offers a range of academic support programs such as a tutoring program, and a reading incentive program.

Cher's Story

Her home life marred by emotional and physical abuse, Cher came into Family & Children’s Service’s care at twelve. By then, the violence she had experienced had already taken its toll.  Cher entered her teen years in turbulence.  She experienced a handful of foster placements and became caught up with negative peer influences.  Alcohol and drugs weren’t far behind.  By sixteen, she was pregnant—a pivotal moment.

Cher knew she needed to change if she wanted her son’s childhood to be different from her own.  Though she knew it wouldn’t be easy, Cher understood she had to complete her education.  

Balancing the demands of motherhood, Cher managed to take courses at a local night school to fulfill her high school requirements.  She eliminated the negative influences in her life and utilized counselling services to help her cope with the stress of the transformation.  Cher obtained necessary parenting skills and re-established a relationship with her foster family.  Throughout this journey towards independence, Family and Children’s Services continued to work with her, and more importantly, to cheer her on.

When she received her acceptance letter to college for Business Administration, it was more than Cher could have dreamed of!

No longer eligible for government funding through Family and Children's Services, Cher simply didn't have the resources necessary to to cover the daunting costs of this post-secondary opportunity.  She had come so far, now financial assistance was all that stood in her way. 

These days Cher maintains a part-time job and regular contact with her youth service worker.  She has also successfully completed the first year of her program, and knows it is because of caring people in the Waterloo Region.

David's Story

David’s journey into adulthood was a trying one.  Forced to be responsible at an early age, David helped his mother co-parent his younger sister—cooking, cleaning, and often taking her to school.  As far as David knew, this was how all families lived.  The unhealthy situation spiralled out of control when his mother met a new man.  David watched his mother’s new boyfriend—and the alcohol and abuse that he brought into their home—slowly shred the fragile family apart.

The tension brewing in the home came to a head when his mother received an ultimatum from her boyfriend—it was David or him.  David was devastated to realize he would be the one to leave; as dreadful as his life may have seemed to the outside observer, it was still the only home he had ever known.  David had to move into the foster care system, another causality of our disposable society.

For the first year and a half, David lived with various well-meaning foster parents.  Sadly, none could penetrate the protective shell he had built around himself.  His self-esteem dwindled.  Though he was not known to be a difficult child, David certainly was not thriving. 

When David moved into his third foster home, something remarkable happened.  David found mentors in his new foster parents, Keith and Jillian.  Keith modeled how fathers should interact with their children—with love and respect. Jillian patiently helped David with his homework, taking time—time his own mother never had— to look over his essays and assignments.  She made a point of reinforcing what he did well, and helped him to understand concepts that the other students had already grasped.  David also started to take advantage of the opportunities available through the Foundation such as Drivers Education courses. 

Mallory's Story

Like many youth who come into care, Mallory found herself exiting an emotional hurricane.   She did her best to stay caught up with her peers; often struggling to overcome the challenges of periodic absences from school due to her tumultuous home life. During the early grades, Mallory missed out on many important foundational concepts.  To counteract these crucial gaps in the learning process, Mallory’s worker enrolled her in the Agency’s Tutoring Program. 

Volunteer tutor Raechi and Mallory started working together in grade ten and the match couldn’t have been more successful.   Raechi describes Mallory as ‘exceptionally bright’ and is proud of what Mallory has been able to accomplish with her grades.  Mallory, she admits sadly, still struggles with basic mathematical concepts—a final reminder of a sorrowful childhood.  

Through Raeshi’s patience and persistence, Mallory is working to eliminate this obstacle.  This fall Mallory enters grade eleven.   She is working part-time and is weighing her post-secondary opportunities.  Raeshi sees Mallory is a caring and responsible young woman— two traits that are sure to help in her goal to serve as a Canadian Peacekeeper. 

For those without the asset of involved parents, the weight of that disadvantage can drive them to the margins of society.  Fortunately for children in care like Mallory and David, they are able to access much-needed educational supports and mentors.  At the Foundation, they know that the light at the end of the tunnel of poverty may be a foster parent, a tutor, or a donor who says, “You are a worthwhile investment!”

Selena's Story

Her mother’s choice to continue to drink despite her pregnancies placed Selena and her older brother Ralph on a collision course with a host of developmental and emotional challenges before they were even born.  At the tender age of four, Family & Children’s Services (FCS) was contacted due to the excessive drinking and use of physical punishment.  At seven, Selena was removed from the home because of her parent’s alcoholism.  Six months later Selena returned home under a supervision order.  Around this same time, Selena’s mother made another - in a lifetime of disastrous choices—to continue living with her current husband over caring for Ralph. 

Too many times in his young life, Ralph had been forced to care for Selena.  When he fled the home, Selena was left to fend for herself.  And Selena was hiding an even darker secret—she was being sexually abused.

Prior to  her death  from liver failure two years later, their mother asked eighteen-year-old Ralph to care for Selena.  The request was a lot to ask from a young man struggling with his own delays due to Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS); but Ralph worked tirelessly to provide the barest of necessities for his sister. Unfortunately, the twelve- to fourteen-hour workday’s left little time for supervising Selena, attending her school functions, or addressing her developmental delays. 

Over the course of the next four years, Ralph continued to provide shelter and food, but there was never any ‘extras’ such as new school clothes or extracurricular activities.  Selena often showed up at school without lunch and her teachers reported the smell of dog urine on her clothes.  Ostracized by her peer group because of her shabby appearance, Selena was embraced by a new group of friends who saw the lonely, sad girl as an easy mark.  Her developmental delays left her socially compliant, placing her at greater risk of negative influence from these deviant peer associations.  She began to drink with them and, though still very young, became sexually promiscuous. 

Selena quickly fell behind her peers.  School officials requested Ralph come in to discuss the issues his sister was struggling with; unfortunately, his schedule would not accommodate a visit during school hours.  Though she was referred to a children’s hospital for the challenges she faced due to her FAS, Ralph could not afford the time to take her to the much-needed sessions.  As his sisters’ problems continued to mount, Ralph was finally forced to come to terms with the realization that he simply could not provide this level of care Selena needed. In June of 2004 he contacted Family & Children’s Services.

Today, Selena is flourishing and has profited from the stability, nurturance, and encouragement of her foster family.  Though rule-free for much of her youth, Selena accepts her curfew, assists with household chores, has taken interest in her appearance, and is reported by her foster parents as a ‘good kid’. She attends school regularly and her teachers speak very highly of her potential.  This past April, Selena returned from school full of pride—in her hand was a test graded at 77%!

Selena has faced unimaginable heartbreaks; her confidence and self-worth seriously eroded through a lifetime of abuse and neglect.  Today she has begun to think about her future in a different way.  At one time she thought a high school diploma was out of her reach, now Selena is considering post-secondary education.  And SHE CAN DO IT TO!

For children like Selena, Family & Children’s Services workers can make an immeasurable difference in their lives.  They attempt to get the lives of these children back on track so they can prepare for their futures.  In addition to clarifying the cognitive impacts of her mother’s drinking and counselling to address the impacts of the sexual abuse, her worker also encouraged Selena to explore FCS programs such as self-esteem guidance, reading incentives, and tutoring. 

Through the Foundation and the support of countless donors, children like Selena also have the opportunity to enrol in camp or other recreational activities where they can make discoveries, make choices, assume responsibility, learn to cooperate, make friends, develop, grow, and—most importantly—have fun!

Charlotte (and her two younger siblings) entered into the agency’s care just before her tenth Halloween because their mother, Ava, had abandoned them to party with her boyfriend.  Ava would have her children return to her home briefly before being apprehended again because of her battle with alcoholism.

Ava hadn’t planned for a life as a young mother, uneducated and abusing substances.  As a teen, she had enjoyed school and even dreamed of being a psychologist.  Problems at home related to her own parent’s alcoholism and mental health problems, started to affect Ava’s grades.  She withdrew from sports and started missing school.  By grade 10, Ava followed her parents lead, abusing substances and dropping out of school all together.  At 23, she found herself pregnant with Charlotte.  Charlotte’s father, struggling with his own issues with cocaine and domestic violence, was out of the picture before his daughter reached her first birthday. 

As the primary parent, Ava was unequipped to deal with the double whammy of both pre- and post-partum depression.  She dealt with the emotional distress, anxiety attacks, and depression the only way she knew how—with alcohol.  Even during her pregnancies.

This legacy of anxiety was passed onto her daughter, Charlotte, at an early age.  As a child, Charlotte was hospitalized for a mysterious illness.  The episode was determined to be a reaction to extreme stress.  It could have been the first of many such attacks; Charlotte’s entryway to the vicious cycle that had fostered abuse, alcoholism, and disappointment for her mother, and her grandparents. 

Thanks to a loving foster parent, a community that cared, and the determination of one young girl, the downward spiral Charlotte was born in to stops there. 

 Today Charlotte is 18 and has spent almost half her life in care of Family & Children’s Services.  Early on she made a choice to break the cycle.  She took advantage of educational, employment, and leadership opportunities offered to children and youth in care.  She strived for academic excellence and grew into what those around her describe as “a very smart, articulate, and optimistic youth”.