Remember, no one method works for every child every time. Parents will need to continuously learn new tools in order to find what works with your child.

As children grow and develop new skills and experiences, parents can offer guidance and support but some conflict is inevitable. The best way to prevent serious conflict is to establish a solid relationship through communication during play, while sharing activities, and while having fun together.

Set clear expectations: children must know what behaviour is desireable and undesireable. When a mistake is made, clearly explain what behaviour was inappropriate. A warning is appropriate and is often all that is needed.

Set natural consequences: The severity of the mistake should determine the consequence.

Be a good role model: Parents must adhere to rules themselves and apply them effectively and consistently. Consequences must be aimed at behaviour, not at children personally. The key elements of the daily household routine, such as bedtimes, meals and baths, should not be the target of consequences. These should remain enjoyable times. Parents must react immediately. The sooner children are cautioned, the sooner they learn to avoid the misbehaviour. As much as possible, rules should encourage what is appropriate rather than discourage what is inappropriate.

1. Involve teenagers in the process of making rules, setting limits and reaching decisions,
2. Keep calm and rational even when emotions run high and especially controlling anger,
3. Use this problem-solving method: identify the issue for negotiation, brainstorm solutions, evaluate and narrow down alternatives, make an agreement, and evaluate the outcome.



What is Reasonable Discipline?

We believe that physical punishment is an unsuitable means of discipline because children should be free from all forms of violence.

The law, however, presently allows parents to use "reasonable force" to discipline children. What is reasonable depends on the situation, but many forms of physical punishment that were acceptable in the past are no longer permitted, such as tying or locking children up.

Any form of physical discipline that requires medical attention, or results in bruising, welts or broken skin, is not considered reasonable discipline. Using belts, electrical cords or other objects to discipline a child can cause serious harm as well.

Physical discipline of babies is against the law. Handling babies roughly - whether in anger or playfulness - is extremely dangerous. Shaking can cause serious injury, including brain damage, blindness and even death.

Physical punishment can lead to physical abuse when parents or caregivers lose control and strike their children in anger.

Use "I statements"
Tell your children how you feel and what you expect from them.
For example: "Stephen, I feel frustrated when you leave your toys all over the floor, and I need you to pick them up and put them away before we go to the park."

Pick your battles
Sometimes we are our own worst enemy! Before taking on a conflict with your kids, decide if it is really worth the time and energy you're putting in to it. If they want to wear mismatched clothes to school, will it hurt them or someone else? Find a way to let the small things go, so that you don't run out of energy when the important issues come up.

Use consequences
Taking away privileges, and firm family rules are excellent ways to manage behaviour without yelling or hitting.

Reward good behaviour
It may seem oversimplified, but it's true - rewarding good behaviour is the best way to get more good behaviour. Kids love your attention. Lavish it on them when they aren't misbehaving. Remember, catch them being good and tell them!

Remember their age
Especially for young children, often ignoring or redirecting the child to another better activity is the best way to stop something you don't like.

Have Listeners
All parents need someone to talk to. Develop a list of non-judgmental, caring friends who can listen to you when you are troubled. Don't count on just one friend, because he or she may not always be available.

Seek Support
If you never get a break, you are more likely to be frustrated or lose control when things are stressful. Find a way to get away from your children if you can, even if it means you swap breaks with a friend - you take her kids one afternoon, she takes yours the next.

If you are frequently angry or frustrated by your child's behaviour, learning different ways to handle the situation can help you and your child.

The Catholic Children's Aid Society, the Public Health Department, and other community agencies can give you information on how to deal with your child's behaviour.

Positive parenting information from The Catholic Children's Aid Society.